For my birthday I would like…

Up until my angst-ridden teenage years, I would create a birthday catalogue

My nerves would simmer in anticipation of the year’s most glorious day and I would dedicate a substantial amount of time to the creation of this elaborate laminated Word document comprised of a comprehensive guide to all the material objects I desired that particular year

There would be an internet-jacked photo of each item, a witty description, a star-rating system of each item’s level of desirability, and of course a list of all the retailers selling each item including the price. In other words, I made it very easy for my mother to go to Virgin Megastore, drop 200 dirhams on Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation then go pick up my World Class Chocolate fudge-bordered cake from Baskin Robbins.

Of course, it wasn’t just video games and Rammstein albums permeating the catalogue, but other five-star gift ideas. When I was ten, there was a $600 telescope from The Discovery Channel Store and a box of copied Titanic artifacts; at eleven it was a Pentium 4 HP computer and a Gameboy Advance.

Times may have changed.

Without further adieu, the following would be received with open arms for my upcoming 22nd birthday later this week:

1. A JOB
Where: Portland, Oregon; London, UK; Dubai, UAE; San Francisco, CA; Stockholm, Sweden; anywhere in Germany/Austria/Switzerland
Field: Broadcast journalism (television or radio), magazine/newspapers/online publications, fashion industry, international business, and/or public relations and advertising…and of course something where I get to sample five star resorts and eat lobster prepared by Hubert Keller then get paid for writing a review is also a suitable task I am willing to take on
Salary: Enough to put 70% into savings/investments while still supporting 2-3 classy happy hours per week, a bi-seasonal pair of Louboutins, and all my organic kefir and grass-fed filet mignons
Desirability: *****
2. Hair without any split ends, frizz, or other self-image-deprecating factors
Desirability: ****

3. Delfina Delettrez Bee Earrings
Price: $375
Availability: Opening Ceremony, New York City
Desirability: ***
4. Christian Louboutin Pik Pik 
Price: $755
Availability: Good luck, it’s sold out almost everywhere (but try Barney’s, Neiman Marcus, or Saks Fifth Avenuee)
Size: 36
Desirability: ****
5. To never have to fear being distant and out of range from my incredible feel-good fuzzy feeling fabulous friends (and family). **
Desirability: ****
**= This is a legitimate fear when you call eight different cities in seven different countries your home and have no two besties from the same 1,000 mile radius. This is also incredibly cheesy, and no, contact via internet DOES NOT COUNT. Karaoke-ing duets of Trey Songz/Nicki Minaj tracks with Moscato in hand is NOT something that should be done over Skype.
I only put the shoes and the earrings on there because I am legitimately lusting over their uniqueness (and I have an obsession with insect jewelry and dangerous footwear); otherwise I am content with what I have materialistically speaking.
Besides most objects have diminishing marginal utility
What’s on your birthday list?


18 thoughts on “For my birthday I would like…

  1. What a great, witty post!

    I did something similar when I was younger (for Christmas), and I was kind of compelled to do the same this year. I think creating the list is fun because it’s half imaginary. In reality, I knew I wasn’t going to get most of the things on my list. But it’s all about dreaming, right??

    For my birthday list this year (which just passed), I wanted to go to Catalina with my boyfriend, have my mom make her famous raspberry white chocolate tart, drink margaritas, and wear a tiara. I got everything I wished for!

    I’m saving up for a trip to Europe now, so $$$ is definitely on my wishlist. I am sooo jealous of how well-traveled you are.

    1. Thanksss 🙂 Where in Europe do you want to go? Definitely something worth saving up for! And haha I loved your birthday post, I think I would like to wear a tiara for mine as well; and my mama is going to make me her famous double chocolate cheesecake 🙂

  2. i want #1 for my birthday too…preferably in nyc, london, or paris. and i’d like to make enough to support my chocolate habit and my love for pelligrino. oh, and my love for bloomingdale’s. right now i’ll just settle for a trip to any of these places…

    i hope you get what you want for your bday sara!!

    1. Thanks Ameena! Ahh all your wishes sound fabulous (and I very much agree with the Pellegrino one…my parents are probably who keeps Costco selling Pellegrino)

  3. Oh my god this is hilarious!! You are just like my brother…except he didn’t put Louboutins on his list..more like the Xbox 360, macbook, etc etc. But he would print out a list and order it in terms of desirability and put his comments about each product hahaha.

    The sad part is that it is all wishful thinking so if he’s lucky he MAY get a new video game.

  4. Hahah posts need a ‘like’ button- you are HILARIOUS! Isn’t it funny how priorities change over the years. My birthday just passed and I got 2 things which I absolutely love but weren’t even on my ‘list’- a new camera and mac book pro…haha trust a blogger to write that!

    Next year, I will defo be adding number 5 to my list. So many of my friends/family live abroad and as much as BB helps with closing the gap, it would still be nice to see them on a daily basis!

  5. You crack me up!! Lol, a J.O.B would never be on my list! I am aiming to be free very soon 🙂

    Ok, I would have a new Hermes Bag….diamond earrings, a whole truck load of Endangered Species Chocolate bars and I would seriously take a massive gift card to Whole Foods, Sephora or Lululemon 🙂 Phew. Shopping in your head is tiring! xxoo

  6. I love your writing style! haha, i feel like i could read your posts all day. Number five I can relate to! My family and I are so close, and i’m a little nervous about going to college ..(though three out of my five siblings are also going to Ohio State lol). A great birthday present would be a vitamix! i’m saving up.. but somehow spending $500+ on a blender just doesn’t seem reasonable. Good luck with the job search! I also need somebody to fund my kefir addiction.. just tooooo good!

  7. Nice list, wish I could walk in shoes like that! I’d fall right over 😛

    And, er, that’ll be a generous 6 digit salary. But it will come eventually, I’m sure. Good luck! I vote Germany for location, haha 😉

  8. This is great! I make a big deal out of my birthday too but I haven’t yet made a birthday catalog! I might have to give it a try next year 🙂 Hope you have a good one and get some of the things on your list! If nothing else, the split end free hair, right?

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