Freezing for Fashion: A Versace for H&M Account

Saturday, November 19th- 5:01 am: My alarm clock goes off…a mere three hours after falling asleep (as I usually get home from work a little after midnight then need some toast and downtime prior to putting my head to rest). Painful.

I linger in bed toasting my toes with a blowdryer before rising to claim my sole cup of coffee and a small bowl of frozen blueberries and Fage. I lay in bed until 6:07 or so when I decide to slip on a pair of leggings, t-shirt, North Face, parka, and rainboots and decide to go Louis Vuitton over Jimmy Choo for choice of purse. There has to be some element of glamour to my premature morning.

Make-up? Cannot be bothered. Some lotion and a few spritzes of Parisienne and I am out of the house, in 28 degree Fahrenheit, pitch black darkness en route to Kyle’s then Nazneen’s house.

This lovely deer-in-the-headlights shot of me exists to prove to you just how dark it was outside

By 6:46 am, we are Parked above Tiffany & Co, standing outside H&M with around twenty-five or so individuals ahead of us, some CRAZY enough to have camped out from the prior night. Now that’s too far. I can honestly say that albeit free Chanel purses, there is nothing in the universe you will get me to sleep on a sidewalk for. Nothing. But queuing with my two prime fashionista (fashionist-o for Kyle) friends for a little over an hour? Completely manageable. Especially with the hopes of some Versace.

Yet, of course the next woman to queue behind us had to be one of those nonstop talker people who does not get the hint to get out of your ear. She was probably in her sixties, wearing head to toe variations of mismatched leopard print (leopard print fake uggs, leopard print leggings, etc) and a beret.

At first we were able to tolerate her stories about her poodles, her work hours, and how CRAZY Missoni for Target was…but not too long after she was really beginning to push the envelope; some examples:

1) She asked Naz where she was from to which Naz replied, “India.”

Her reply: “Indian? You don’t look Indian! Are you sure you aren’t half American? I know a lot of Indian people and they don’t look like you! Why would you come to Portland if you’re Indian?” ….etc (continues to accuse Naz of being a ‘half-bred’)

2) She looks at Naz and I and say, “I am sure you two are probably glamour girls at night, but right now you don’t look it at all.” Excuse me. How do you even reply to that?

3) She constantly harasses Kyle…for being cold and not having pockets in his jacket to warm his hands in.

4) Looks at Naz and I again and says, ” Oh you girls are small, I doubt there will be any of your sizes left! Did you see all those Asian girls at the front? So what size do you girls wear? Let me guess, you’re probably like a four or a six or something? (imagine another several minutes going on about speculating our clothing sizes)” All I could think about in my slightly bitchy inadequately caffeinated frigid underslept state is how dare this woman guess that I have a REAL NUMBER for a clothing size!

After that, we adamantly tried to ignore crazy poodle-mismatched leopard print lady and thankfully were saved by the wristband man:

Green wristbands= Second group of twenty people to be let into the Versace section. The rules of the event state that no one person can purchase more than two of the same item and that each group of twenty gets fifteen minutes to scrounge the collection. Of course, little did we know that the first group of people were a bunch of ruthless E-bay hungry vultures.

If you want to see the animal-scenes in Mean Girls in real life, all you need to do is go to an H&M Designer Event. Crazy sunken-eye men and women stuffing Costco bags full of everything they can get their hands on- cleaning every dress, shoebox, and jacket off the rack. Absolutely disgusting, dignity-lacking behaviour.

Cool, there goes just about every item I had my heart set on. All for a bunch of greedy sonofabitches.

Once it was time for us to be let in, I decided to take the high road and not rush around like a hungry hyena. Plus there was an audience of the next groups watching from the outside, and really, if people are going to watch me shop, I am going to do it classy, like a lady. I managed to find a few random pieces in my size, headed to the fitting room while everyone else was fighting over Palm tree-print leggings and calmly tested the goods.

Luckily, at the end of it, Kyle was able to get the shirt he came for, and Naz the adorable little bag she had her eye on. I, on the other hand had hoped for several other items- all of which had either been scalped by the E-bay Bastards or simply not carried in the Portland store. However, I did walk away with a couple of unusual treasures:

A bling tastic ring (IN MY FINGER SIZE)…which is probably why I found it considering the only other people in the world with my ring size are small children

AND

Wait for itttt….the most delightfully tacky garment I own:

FRONT

BACK

Tacky? Think what you will. I could not put this dress down after I tried it on. First of all, it is 100% silk, and secondly, it just might be the best fitting dress I own- it was almost as if Donatella stitched the dress to my body herself. And though many of Versace’s designs are a tad too flamboyant for my taste, I will say that it is one of the few brands that fits me well without any tailoring, which I am glad translated to the H&M line as well.

We concluded our spectacle of a morning with a classy breakfast of benedicts at Urban Farmer at the Nines Hotel, then proceeded to go home and go back to bed, as we did have a Saturday night to get glamour-ed out for.

What is your wake-up early/stay up late event vice? Midnight movie showings? Designer events? New Apple gadgets?

Have you ever been to an H&M Designer Event?

Which brand(s) do you consider most flattering on you?

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20 thoughts on “Freezing for Fashion: A Versace for H&M Account

  1. I don’t wake up for anything unless I have to! And really, shopping is not on my list of must-dos. I prefer the warmth of the Internet. 🙂

    That being said, what a beautiful dress! I bet it looks fabulous your gorgeous self.

    And why wouldn’t there be Indian people in Portland? How bizarre!

    1. Thanks Ameena, as always you are far too kind and flattering 😉
      Normally I am not one for chaotic shopping, my inner bitchiness certainly finds it way out if having to encounter massive crowds and queues of disorganized people, but I just really really needed a little versace to colour my weekend

  2. I’ve never been, but that sounds interesting! I have to admit, the dress isn’t really my cup of tea…on the rack. I think it’s really hard to judge when you don’t see how something looks on, so I imagine it could look really good on you, if it fits well!

    1. Oh believe me, when I saw the dress on the rack I thought, “That is so tacky, I must try it on,” and really I was uncertain about it once I bought it, but tried it on the next day and it has some bizarre allure…but the fit is perfect and it’s different 😉

  3. Haha I actually really like that dress- I bet it looks fabulous on! That lady in the queue sounds like a piece of work, especially for that time of the morning. I think I would have had to verbally give it to her! Why is it weird for an Indian to be in Portland?? We’re all over the place! I have one word to describe her, and it starts with “r” and rhymes with “fascist”.

    Although I wish I could say I would wake up for fashion, I know I wouldn’t realistically. Shopping with crowds and queuing up piss me off…and throw in an early wake-up call, chances are it won’t happen!

    1. Thanks Khushboo! Haha I totally photobooth-ed myself in it, but naturally my WordPress photo upload limit ran out as I completed this post…plus I didn’t want to be toolish posting pics of me posing in Versace in my living room 😉
      Oh and believe me, crowds/queuing annoy the hell out of me so it takes something big to get me out of bed to deal with them- which is part of the reason why shopping in London gives me such anxiety, always FAR too many people

  4. I’d like to have a wake-up/stay-up vice but I don’t – my sleep is just too precious! If I did though it would definitely be something gadget related. Maybe the day they finally release the iPhone in pink (yes I know, I’m such a cliche).

    The dress is actually not half bad! I can imagine it looks better on but I do like the colours. Also that woman sounds like a nightmare – I probably would’ve drop kicked her leopard print ass if I were you.

  5. I actually lol’d at your real number size comment, then I had to explain to my boyfriend why I was having a giggle fit, surprisingly challenging.

  6. soo funny! i cant believe you went to the VERSACE opening. I read abut it and saw lots of people camping outside stores all over Europe on the news. I remember when Stella McCartney was desiging for H&M I was crazy about getting some pieces but in the end was not happy bc i saw too many people running around with the same thing and it wasnt special anymore. i surely would not sleep outside for a piece of garment that 1 million people around the world posess too but i would queue up for a long time to get a little black dress from CHANEL!

    1. Oh I would certainly queue up for a LBD from Chanel…if it was guaranteed that I would get it, that is. But camping outside for H&M designers? That’s far far far too much- I always wonder about the mental processes of people who camp out for stuff- I mean I just read an article about how a woman started camping out for Black Friday almost two weeks in advance?! I believe time is money so if you’re wasting that much time camping out to get a good deal, you’re really losing out in the end.

  7. That lady sounds ignorant! I wouldn’t have out up with that crap…but I suppose you couldn’t really escape without having to leave your place in the queue.
    My late night rendezvous are normally for movie marathons! Generally they start a 11pm here and end at about 5-6am in the morning 🙂

  8. I really hate shopping, so there’s not much I would stay up late/wake up early for, other than some fabulous first tracks in powder on my skis haha.

    1. Oh my dad is also obsessed with getting on the slopes early…I love to ski, but I’m really okay with not being the first person to touch the fresh powder.

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